


Amplifier

by KPRC8N



Category: STARLIGHT - Fandom, VIXX
Genre: Absence, Enlistment, Multi, Nlistment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 08:22:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18362228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPRC8N/pseuds/KPRC8N
Summary: Wonsik is tasked with taking care of Hyukkie while Hakyeon is away.





	Amplifier

**Author's Note:**

> N has been keeping starlights abreast of his progress, and it has slowly sunk in that our absent leader is not quite absent at all, maintaining his social media presence on the low and generally making us feel as if he thought about it a long time and thinks about us a lot. 
> 
> Official photos contain poses that speak to starlights immediately, being loaded with meaningful references and a little cheekiness.
> 
> How does one make someone love them more, even if they are absent? This was what I asked about Ravi and N here, as Ravi's perpetual rejection of N outsurvived even Taekwoon's BAHAHA
> 
>  
> 
> I had one more scene envisioned for when Hakyeon returns... but it felt a little unnecessary, so I ended where I did.

“So, you’re going to be my deputy, right?”

 

Wonsik looked up in surprise, then glanced around him. The little odeng street stall was empty save for the themselves and the vendor, who glanced up to check if they wanted anything.

 

“You’re joking, right?”

 

“Why would I be joking?”

 

Wonsik looked back down at the phone in his hands, continuing to save photos into his gallery.

 

“Taekwoonnie Hyung will give me the silent treatment til he goes,” he murmured, beginning to feel a little melancholy for some reason. The brightly coloured pictures from his photoshoot didn’t seem to have the same verve they had had just a few seconds ago.

 

“You sound as if it matters. Once he goes you would be deputy anyway.”

 

Wonsik blinked, realising he had skipped a few images without checking them properly.

 

“Jaehwannie is next in line, not me. Anyway, you will be back before then, so why would I even do that?

 

“This isn’t a family dynasty, Wonsik. You were always deputy from the beginning. You would have been leader if I hadn’t decided I was, first.”

 

“Taekwoonnie could really grow-“

 

“Shut up. He can captain a football team, but he won’t lead you guys.”

 

Wonsik finally looked Hakyeon in the eyes, a little taken aback by his words.

 

“He won’t?”

 

“He’s a team player. He captained soccer well because the rules are clear, and the team would follow. He couldn’t lead you guys even if he wanted to. It’s too far gone to be like that. You can. That’s why you’re the deputy.”

 

“But-“

 

“No buts. You stepped up sooner than he did, and he knows it. Shikkie, he is fine with it, I’m telling you the truth.”

 

Wonsik couldn’t argue. Truth be told, his learned deference to seniority was what spurred his reluctance - but in tandem, his confidence, both natural and earned, told him Hakyeon was right. He was the deputy, and had been since the beginning.

 

He wondered, if he had had more of an ambitious or jealous streak within him, if he would have been happy with things if everyone went with the next in line age-wise. He supposed, that by some happy coincidence, or fate, he had been blessed with this configuration of members, who didn’t let convention or tradition get in the way of what felt right.

 

And whilst he didn’t want to crow about it, it did feel right that Hakyeon had named him his deputy, albeit just to themselves.

 

He looked up to see Hakyeon smilng at him. Hakyeon dropped his gaze to look down at the cup of tea he had cradled in his hands, nodding a little, still smiling.

 

“There it is. That knowing. No matter what you think of me, Wonsik, no matter how behind the times or uncool you think I am, you know that you and I, we are the same.”

 

Wonsik started protesting, more out of habit than anything, but Hakyeon just kept smiling.

 

“We just _know_.” Hakyeon just waited, looking into Wonsik’s eyes until that glimmer of protest faded away. Then he nodded, getting up and fishing some cash out of his pocket.

 

“I’ll see you at the farewell dinner tomorrow night. Don’t let Hyoggie cry over me, alright?”

 

“He’s not gonna-“

 

“Wonsik-ah, he will need you most once his play is over. Go with him somewhere. Get his mind off it. I want you to promise.”

 

Wonsik nodded, a little alarmed. He made a mental note to ask Hyuk about the play, then nodded again as Hakyeon walked out, gripping his neck momentarily as he passed.

 

Wonsik only saw him again at the dinner the next night, then after that, he was gone.

 

**

 

Wonsik was too busy at first to do what he had promised himself to do, but when he finally had the time, Hyuk was already a month into his play schedule. He wanted to go see it, but changed his mind at the last minute. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see Hyoggie in the play, nor did he think he would be welcome there.

 

He decided instead to ask him for the script, so he could read through it. When Hyuk had looked at him suspiciously, if that was what you could call the guarded look he gave him, he volunteered that Hakyeon had recommended the play to him. It was an almost-truth.

 

A few nights later, he completed the script in one sitting and gathered Deongie into his arms, weeping. Deongie’s eyebrows twitched individually as he stared smilingly into the air between them while Wonsik wiped away the tears and sniffed.

 

He texted Jiwon a random love emoji and told her he was proud of her, then laughed when she asked him what he wanted.

 

She would be back before the Hyungs returned from the military, and he wondered if she would be able to call Seoul home again after being away for so long. The thought of it made the tears well up again.

 

In moments such as these, it seemed to him that the human experience was such a damned, confused, effusion of love for home, family, good things, and also for wandering, being alone, and being free.

 

He just reminded her that he would be visiting soon and asked her to prepare a London experience for him, to which she replied that she would gladly show him the tube, fish and chips and how to avoid getting roughed up by the locals because of his pretty-boy looks.

 

It was too much love to handle, and he hugged Deongie closer as he texted goodbye.

 

Eventually, he bumped into Hyuk in the hallways of Jellyfish, and asked him if he had the time to go out of town together after he finished his play. Hyuk shrugged, saying he couldn’t say, as they had just added another few weeks of dates. He said it without smiling, almost as if Wonsik were bothering him. Wonsik had to leave it at that, but it occurred to him that Hyuk might take time before being ready to relax over drinks or a holiday with him. The thought saddened him, making him feel somehow, that if Hakyeon had been around, he would have been better equipped to handle this situation, better equipped to help Hyukkie through somehow.

 

It was in the height of summer that Hyuk messaged him and asked if he still wanted to go away.

 

By then, Taekwoon was already preparing to go in to the military, having just completed some fan meeting events and all his professional schedules. Wonsik felt that the hurt of the summer sun would take its toll on Taekwoon when he began his basic training, and became fearful that he would not look after himself well. He wondered if, perhaps, they could all three of them go together?

 

Hyuk responded almost immediately in the positive. Wonsik was surprised. Then he realised, Hakyeon had been right. The play had affected Hyuk somehow, making him very sombre. So much so, that his eager response contrasted starkly.

 

He regretted that he had allowed the end of Hyuk’s play to come without him noticing it, and was glad that Hyuk had brought up his offer to go away together. He wanted to keep the promise Hakyeon had extracted of him before he left.

 

So, they arranged to make a weekend trip to Fukuoka, a week before Taekwoon was to enter the military.

 

When he mentioned it to Jaehwan, he had frowned, that ever-present pout deepening.

 

“Why aren’t me and Hongbin invited?” he had asked, a little indignantly.

 

Well, the holiday then turned from a threesome to a five-VIXXsome within an hour. Having gotten the okay from the others, he had checked with Hongbin and found that by some happy circumstance, they were all available that weekend. He booked an apartment stay and made the travel arrangements through the staff.

 

**

 

They arrived in Fukuoka to fine weather and settled in to their apartment quickly before going out for a meal.

 

He wasn’t sure if it had been intentional, but they somehow ended up in a korean barbecue place they had been to before all together during one of their promotional activities.

 

Wonsik could feel Hyuk being quiet, introverted, and found himself sitting next to him, pouring him a drink and making sure he had enough food on his plate.

 

Hyuk nodded, murmuring, “Thank you, Hyung,” and eating with relative gusto, which made Wonsik feel a little better.

 

He glanced around the table, seeing that the others had their own conversation going and were huddled over Taekwoon’s phone as he showed them pictures he had taken on his last trip to Busan for a solo event.

 

“Hyoggie, was the play difficult? I read the script.”

 

“It was tough, but by the time we had done a month of shows, it was easier. My cast mates were very helpful,” Hyuk said quietly as he watched the meat on the grill. He started turning them over, but Taekwoon saw and waved at him from the other side of the table.

 

“Needs more time, Hyoggie!”

 

Hyuk put the tongs down and rested his elbows on the table to look at Wonsik.

 

“What about you Hyungie, have you been taking care of your health? Are you sleeping less, now that promotions are over?”

 

Wonsik shook his head.

 

“I sleep better during rehearsals because of all the dancing.”

 

“Oh, I thought you might be recording at night.”

 

Wonsik looked at him, confused.

 

“No, I just finished promoting the album, now I am rehearsing for the solo tour.”

 

Sanghyuk went back to barbecuing the meat, nodding, but not quite making eye contact.

 

“Am I missing something? Did the staff say they expect another album or something?”

 

He watched as Hyuk shook his head and turned instead to preparing himself a dipping sauce from the array of proferred condiments for the meat.

 

They began eating, the silence becoming a little too loud for Wonsik. He looked around at the others, and found they were pretty sombre, chewing thoughtfully.

 

“What are you guys up to nowadays?” he asked, taking a mouthful.

 

Hongbin glanced around the room, then paused to speak with his chopsticks waving in the air.

 

“I am amassing my Sweet Red Beans and will soon have more followers than you guys could ever hope for!” He cackled. Jaehwan shook his head, chewing loudly on some meat.

 

“Hongbin-ssi, you’re playing a lonely game.”

 

“Not true. You’re always looking over my shoulder while I play.” Hongbin looked at Wonsik. “We have become close now, Jaehwannie Hyung and I.”

 

Jaehwan scowled.

 

“Plus, my Sweetie Beans are smart and sometimes play along too. We go well together. Hakyeonnie Hyung was right, the more I say what I want, the better the quality of interaction is.”

 

Wonsik perked up, wondering how much of a conversation Hakyeon had had with Hongbin before he left, about streaming on his new gaming account.

 

Taekwoon looked at Wonsik, his eyes searching.

 

“You suddenly interested in gaming, Wonsik-ah?”

 

“No, I am just surprised Hakyeon Hyung was.”

 

Taekwoon and Hongbin smiled, as if a little embarrassed. Taekwoon rested his elbow on on the table and pointed at him with his chopsticks, his eyes glinting with amusement.

 

“You see, Hakyeon’s interest is not in anything we do at all. It’s in us. This is why you never understood him when he complained about having to hold himself back all the time.”

 

Hongbin snickered. “Wonsik would not have survived a terror Hakyeon attack.”

 

Wonsik looked from one to the other, in total incomprehension. Jaehwan smacked his lips as he prepared a ssam to stuff into his mouth.

 

“Wonsikkie knows it, he just won’t admit it.”

 

Wonsik frowned. He stammered.

 

“He never visited the studio, never asked to hang out-“

 

“He did, all the time! You always said no.” Wonsik was surprised by the good-natured vehemence of their protest. He dropped his gaze, checking the barbecue grill for charred bits of meat. At his side, Hyuk kept eating, in his own world. Wonsik listened to the boys joking about him, but was paying more attention to Hyuk’s introspection.

 

“You okay, Hyoggie?” he asked quietly, picking a piece of charred meat and putting it into his mouth.

 

Hyuk put his chopsticks down and leaned his elbows on the table, hugging his arms at the same time and turning his head to look thoughtfully at Wonsik.

 

“Yeah. What about you, Hyung?”

 

Wonsik raised his eyebrows.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Hyuk raised his eyebrows too, then huffed quietly as he rubbed his arms and nodded.

 

“Why, you don’t think so?” Wonsik asked, a little perplexed by how this whole conversation was going.

 

Hyuk shrugged, picking up his glass and draining the contents.

 

“I don’t know, it seems like you spend an awful lot of time at the studio-“

 

“I’m recording-“

 

“Alone with Deongie-“

 

“He needs companionship.”

 

“Puff tells me Deongie feels sorry for you.”

 

Wonsik felt his throat catch. Deongie?

 

It had gone quiet, and for some reason, Wonsik felt the corners of his eyes prickling.

 

Deongie?

 

Jaehwan tapped his chopsticks on the table to even them out in his grasp before reaching over for some lettuce.

 

“Aaaah! Hyoggie, what Puff really means is that he is jealous when Wonsik spends time away from the studio, jealous of the glamour and the success, the photoshoots, the endorsements-“

 

“Deongie?” Hyuk frowned at Jaehwan. Jaehwan looked at him like he was an idiot. He frowned back.

 

“Noooo. Puff!”

 

Hyuk laughed, and so did Hongbin. Taekwoon stared at Wonsik, who seemed to be getting morosely interested in his tiny dipping sauce dish.

 

“Shikkie-ya...” he began, waiting til Wonsik looked up. “Why did you ask us to come on this trip? Are you okay?”

 

Wonsik was aghast to find that his eyes had filled with tears, and looking up had caused them to spill.

 

Taekwoon and Jaehwan exclaimed loudly, and Hongbin quietly fished out some napkins from the courtesy drawer in the table to put in front of him. Hyuk sat up, shocked.

 

“Hyung, what’s the matter?”

 

Wonsik grabbed the tissues and squashed them into his eye sockets, hoping to staunch the flow. Weirdly, he didn’t feel like he was crying, more like… leaking. It made him laugh, but it came out like a sob.

 

“He’s hysterical! Clap him on the back!” he heard Jaehwan shriek. He felt himself being smacked on the back by a hand that came from in front if him: Taekwoon, who was leaning right over the food to reach him.

 

This was too absurd.

 

“Why am I crying?” he asked, as if someone there knew the answer.

 

“Did something happen to Deongie? Is it Puff? What’s wrong?” Taekwoon asked, his voice pitching higher so he could be heard over the boys. Hongbin glanced at Hyuk, who looked genuinely panicked.

 

“Dude, I thought we were here to stop Taekwoon Hyung from crying too much,” Hongbin soothed.

 

Taekwoon gave Hongbin in indignant look.

 

“If Hakyeonnie hadn’t insisted I do what you all wanted to do, I would have slinked off without a word,” he said, his voice unexpectedly chesty. He looked back at Wonsik again, the smile coming back to his eyes.

 

“That way you would all have felt guilty for weeks,” he said smugly.

 

Hyuk piped up, “Ah, Hyung, we might not have realised you were gone for months if you had done that.”

 

Taekwoon shook his head, moving his hand from Wonsik’s back to reach over and cup Hyuk’s cheek, smiling warmly at him as he rubbed his skin a little roughly, laughingly saying, “No, no, you would have missed me and felt awful about it.”

 

Hyuk giggled, letting Taekwoon paw at him, the mirth in his eyes and Taekwoon’s overly adoring gaze distracting Wonsik for a moment.

 

Wonsik sniffed. “Hakyeonnie told you to?”

 

Taekwoon and Hyuk looked at him, then Jaehwan butted in.

 

“That’s funny because he specifically told me he would get me the latest Avengers figure if I provided proof that I crashed at least one Hongbin gaming stream a week til he came back. Die cast! So far, I haven’t missed a week!” he beamed at Hongbin, who looked at him with dawning comprehension.

 

“Aww, and I thought it was because you wanted to learn from the best,” Hongbin said snarkily. Jaehwan batted his eyelids, taking a sip from his cola.

 

“Hyung said that? He didn’t promise me anything!” Hyuk sounded offended.

 

Everyone turned to him, understanding beginning to colour their surprise.

 

“He asked me always make sure there is fruit in the kitchen and to continually take twenty percent of any pastries or breads and to pass them to staff to drop in the Buddhist collection booth outside the school. That’s intensive work! All to keep Jaehwannie Hyung’s junk addiction in check.”

 

Taekwoon resumed patting Hyuk’s cheek. “That’s because you are a diligent child and needed no reward to do good deeds, Hyoggie.”

 

Hyuk batted his hand away. “I thought I was doing good deeds. Turns out I was managing someone’s sugar crutch!”

 

Taekwoon smiled, still loving. “That’s still a good deed, Hyoggie.”

 

Hyuk looked around, a little flabbergasted. Jaehwan was muttering about suspecting something was amiss, and Hongbin was stroking his back, jokingly trying to calm him down.

 

Then, Hyuk turned to Wonsik. “Did he tell you to look out for anyone too?” Then he turned and asked everyone else, “Were any of you asked to look out for Wonsik Hyung?”

 

Wonsik blinked. He realised that Hakyeon was not really telling him to look out for Hyuk when he asked him to - Hyuk had been just fine all along.

 

“He… no.”

 

Hyuk looked quickly at Taekwoon, then the others. It was quiet, and Wonsik sensed that the boys were trying not to make him feel that he had been left out, though didn’t really know what to say.

 

“But he did, didn’t he?” Taekwoon said gently, the smile still in his eyes. Wonsik couldn’t meet his gaze. Taekwoon rarely spoke directly about anything emotional like this, but when he did, it was always behind smiling eyes.

 

Wonsik used to think it was because the man couldn’t handle the sobriety of intense emotions, but now he believed it was because none of them could, and this was how he did it without bringing them all to tears.

 

Taekwoon took a long draught of his jasmine tea, letting the little cup slam onto the table as if it was a shot glass.

 

“You thought it was for someone here, and somehow it ended up with all of us, but really, he didn’t need you to do anything. For anyone else.” Taekwoon stared at Wonsik, who wouldn’t lift his head.

 

“Then who?” Jaehwan asked quietly, looking at Hongbin. Hongbin smiled at him, shaking his head.

 

“I’ll smack him for you when I see him,” Taekwoon declared. Wonsik snorted.

 

“You’ll just nag him.”

 

“He will like it either way,” Taekwoon murmured softly.

 

Wonsik felt his mood settle into a sombre calm, and he spent the last hour of their meal looking at everyone, watching their interactions as if he were trying to remember every nuance, every gesture or laugh or word.

 

Anything, to distract himself from the feeling of having been had, by Hakyeon. It wasn’t the trick of it that had earlier made his emotions unsettled, but he couldn’t quite put into words what exactly had made him cry.

 

Well, the idea of Deongie feeling sorry for him, that had stung.

 

And then, the idea that Hakyeon had asked him to look after someone else who apparently didn’t need looking after, to distract him. To distract the others.

 

As he thought of it, he looked up to find Taekwoon eyeballing him as he downed the last of his tea.

 

**

 

They walked back to their apartment in a warm and fuzzy food stupor, Jaehwan and Hongbin trailing behind him while Hyuk and Taekwoon walked ahead. Suddenly Hyuk pointed to a convenience store and hailed the others behind him to go get some supplies.

 

He sauntered up to Taekwoon, who had found a brick planter and had perched on the edge of it, his long legs making upside down Vs with their bent knees.

 

Taekwoon stared at him as he approached, and watching him settle next to him.

 

“Who did he ask you to watch?” he said, without preamble. Wonsik sighed. Taekwoon was almost as annoying with his bluntness as Hakyeon was. That is, when they decided to be blunt.

 

He felt like what he was really being asked was, “Why didn’t it click sooner that that was not Hakyeon’s prime agenda?”

 

“He told me Hyuk was having a hard time of it with the play, so I asked him if he wanted to get away. Then I kinda forgot about it til he reminded me I had promised to. It was just before you leaving, so I asked you along too. Then it didn’t seem right to go without the others.”

 

Taekwoon smiled.

 

“Why did you cry?”

 

Wonsik stared at the others as they wasted time in the brightly lit convenience store.

 

“Deongie is supposed to love me unconditionally,” he murmured morosely, puckering his lips.

 

Taekwoon laughed, a deep guffaw of pure amusement.

 

“You cried because you thought your own dog pitied you?”

 

“No! It saddened me to think that he thought of me that way, and also that he might have been sad for me too! Or sad that he had been reduced to pitying his human!” As he said it, Wonsik had to laugh too.

 

Who cries over their dog feeling sad for them out of pity?!

 

I do, he thought, his shoulders shaking.

 

Taekwoon sighed, shaking his head. When he spoke, it was wistful, a little as if he was remembering an experience of his own.

 

“Without really resisting, you resist his advances. But he is going to love you whether you want it or not.”

 

“Love me?” Wonsik was taken aback. What did that mean?

 

Taekwoon patted him on the shoulder.

 

“Hakyeon needs to care, and you won’t let him. You are the only one who truly keeps his distance. In order for him to love you, like he needs to love all of us, he used the fact that you keep your distance from all of us to make this,” here Taekwoon gestured at the space between them and the boys in the store, “happen like this.”

 

“He planted an idea, and you made it become real.”

 

Taekwoon turned a little to face Wonsik.

 

“Do you know what he said about you once? He told me that you are like a magnifying glass. An amplifier. You take something - an idea, an emotion, the impetus to create - and you make it bigger than it was, somehow more inclusive, of a magnitude not possible if you were not in the picture.”

 

Wonsik blinked, staring at the ground. Taekwoon seemed bent on twisting the little, emotionally laden knife that Hakyeon had planted in his heart, and he could feel tears pricking in his eyes again.

 

“You took what was supposed to be a simple check on Hyukkie, and it has become an improbable weekend getaway for all of us, right before I leave. We never have clear schedules at the same time like this-“

 

“I didn’t plan that!”

 

“You didn’t have to bring Hyuk to Japan to have the conversation you were planning to have.”

 

Wonsik stopped, unable to counter that.

 

“He didn’t ask anyone to look out for you because you cannot be looked out for. You don’t need anything. At least, that’s what it looks like.”

 

Wonsik frowned, a little muscle pulling down at the corner of his mouth.

 

“But he made magic happen. He got you to look outside of yourself to others, and you ran with it because it is your instinct to make more out of something.”

 

“He’s a fucking meddler,” Wonsik said, his voice little.

 

“Listen, Hyoggie’s okay. He misses you, but he has grown. He can handle it. Jaehwan will one day learn how metabolism works when he stops processing his junk food the same way and he puts on weight every time he stops moving. Hongbin’s life purpose is to keep our irrational and emotional insides from spilling over into our neat and clean lives, and I… I would have never stood on ceremony about such an important part of my life. An important part of our lives as a group.”

 

Wonsik looked up to see Taekwoon’s eyes filling with tears too.

 

“He has helped me a lot. He loves me. He loved all of us before he even met us, the unknown people he was going to take a huge step into the unknown with. I just regret all the times I wouldn’t hug him back because I didn’t like being watched. Me. An aspiring idol!” Taekwoon laughed, lifting his arm to wipe his tears with it.

 

“And you… what is it that you needed caring for?”

 

Wonsik shook his head, not wanting to think any more.

 

“Well, you may now know, but your reaction to hearing about Deongie makes me think.”

 

“What, that I’m lonely? Pitiful?” Wonsik almost snarled.

 

“No, just… isolated. Detached.”

 

Taekwoon went quiet, and Wonsik looked up to find him watching him again.

 

“How long would you have waited before calling Hyoggie after the show ended?”

 

Wonsik stared, a flush of shame creeping over his skin. Taekwoon smiled, gentle.

 

“You were genuinely busy, no harm or forgetting intended. But this is what you do, and this is how he made himself the one to take care of you. He planted the idea, and you carried things out, and now, you are participating.”

 

Wonsik let the frown fall out of his expression, his face becoming soft as he stared back at Taekwoon. Slowly, they smiled at each other.

 

“A motherfucking meddler,” he murmured, and they laughed.

 

**

 

A week later, they were back in Seoul and Taekwoon was walking out of the dorm for the last time before his enlistment. He would spend a day or two with family, and then enter without any fanfare.

 

Wonsik talked to him on the phone, and spent most of it undercutting Taekwoon’s attempts to give advice, with his own assurances that he would take care of everything his way. Eventually, Taekwoon sighed, obvious relief in his voice, and told him he was glad he didn’t have to worry about leaving badly. Wonsik felt a lump in his throat, but thanked him and wished him well. After a quick goodbye, he hung up and turned back to his monitor.

 

On a whim, he opened up youtube and checked Hakyeon’s updates, amused to see his latest weekly letter was up. He laughed, thinking that Starlights had been had by HAkyeon just like him, expecting that they would have no contact with him for almost two years, then finding that he was literally talking to them without interruption, a captive audience - though he sometimes liked to think, an audience held hostage by his attention to their relationship.

 

He rolled his chair back suddenly, got up and grabbed his jacket and phone.

 

As he locked up his studio and gave Deongie a little tummy rub, he texted Hyuk.

 

_Maknae, take me to lunch._

 

**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
